About randyjohnson

I was born in Middlesboro, Kentucky in 1971. I moved to East Tennessee in 1973 and I've lived here ever since. My hobbies are writing and drawing.

Orville Redenbacher

Orville Redenbacher
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People used your popcorn in popcorn poppers.
You were the one and only Orville Redenbacher.
Sadly, you died twenty-two years ago today.
Your popcorn is still being eaten and it’s here to stay.
People were sad when you died in 1995.
You’re deceased but your legacy survives.

[Dedicated to Orville Redenbacher (1907-1995) who died on September 19, 1995.]

I Hate The New Doctor Who

I Hate The New Doctor Who
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Even though I’m a fan of the classic Doctor Who,
I must say that I’m not a fan of the new.
I wanted and tried to like the new Doctor Who show,
But if people ask me if I love it, the answer will be no.
I grew up watching the Doctor Who classics.
Unlike the new, I thought those episodes were fantastic.
If other people love the new Doctor Who, that is fine and dandy.
But if it comes on my screen, I’ll lose my TV because I keep my shotgun handy.
Please don’t ask me to like the new Doctor Who or I’ll puke.
When it comes to the new Doctor Who, it’s something I rebuke.

Ol’ Yeller

Ol' Yeller
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He is my yellow kitten and his name is Ol’ Yeller.
Ten dollars was all that I was charged by his seller.
He is small and he means a lot to me.
He has a new owner, he is a lovely kitty.
When people see him, they are smitten.
Ol’ Yeller is adorable and he is my kitten.

Stacy III

Stacy III
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We went to school together and were in the same grade.
You were such a good person that you deserve a parade.
Sadly, you died twenty years ago tonight.
You died in a car wreck and that wasn’t right.

You haven’t been forgotten and I hope you never will.
People suffered because your death was a terrible ordeal.
You had charm, class and you also had wit.
You were a good person and that is something that I’m proud to admit.

When I learned about your death, it was a devastating blow.
Your family and friends loved you and we hated to see you go.
You were only twenty-five, dying at that age wasn’t fair.
We won’t forget you because your friends and family care.

[Dedicated to Stacy Brooks (1972-1997) who died on September 7, 1997.]

Ask Not What God Can Do For You

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Ask not what God can do for you, ask what you can do for God.
If you do something that will please The Lord, Angels will applaud.
Give somebody a Bible or take them to church with you.
If you introduce somebody to God, it’s a good thing to do.

You can give God a gift by just obeying his Ten Commandments.
Pleasing The Lord is what we should be doing, it truly makes sense.
Offer to help clean your church or give them donations.
If you please God, he’ll be happy, that’s no exaggeration.

Fourth

Fourth
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Today my Chihuahua and I celebrate our 4th anniversary.
But something happened two weeks ago that was scary.
I had to rush my dog to the vet because she was sick.
She almost died because she was paralyzed by a tick.
She couldn’t move or eat and I was scared she would die.
I was afraid that I would end up having to say goodbye.
She got better after people prayed and there is one thing that I understand.
I’m celebrating my 4th anniversary with a wonderful dog and I’m a lucky man.

(Dedicated to Agnes who I adopted on August 27, 2013.)

Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers

Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers
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You’ll never guess what I found at the dump.
I found and soon sold an antique gas pump.
It was made back in 1943.
A man gave $100,000 to me.
I sure was lucky to meet that antique collector.
Having this much money is like drinking nectar.
Two days later, I met the man who threw the gas pump away.
He demanded that I give him $50,000 but I refused to pay.
He said he’s in over his head in debt and he keeps getting in deeper.
He may need the money but I say finders keepers, losers weepers.

(This is a fictional poem)

Happy Birthday, Mom – Part V

Happy Birthday, Mom - Part V
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You were a mother who was both special and divine.
If you hadn’t died, today you would’ve turned sixty-nine.
I would give anything if you were still here.
Everybody loved you because you were a dear.

You died over four years ago and it was the worst thing I’ve ever been through.
When they said you’d die, I felt helpless because there was nothing I could do.
The day before you died, “I Love You” were the three words that I said.
When I saw you lying motionless, it was sad because I knew you were dead.

The doctors couldn’t save you after you became ill.
It took two years for this heart of mine to start to heal.
I still miss you and I have something to say.
I’ll always love you Mom, Happy Birthday.

[Dedicated to Agnes Johnson (1948-2013) who passed away on March 6, 2013.]

Four Years

Four Years
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It was four years ago tonight when Dad died.
He couldn’t beat cancer even though he tried.
Dad died four years ago tonight at the age of sixty-five.
He received chemo and transfusions but he didn’t survive.

After battling leukemia for twenty months, his battle came to an end.
When I lost my dad, I lost my next of kin.
Four years ago, I lost both of my parents and that was very sad.
It was four years ago tonight when we had to say goodbye to Dad.

[Dedicated to Charles F. Johnson (1947-2013) who died on July 13, 2013.]

The Consequences of Dumping SuperGirl

The Consequences of Dumping SuperGirl
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I dumped SuperGirl because her boobs are hard as rocks.
They are literally harder than concrete cinder blocks.
I should’ve known they were hard because bullets bounce off of them.
Breasts that aren’t soft should be a crime because it is so grim.
When I broke it off, she made my life a living hell.
She burned down my house and pissed in my well.
If you think that was bad, you won’t believe the other things that she did.
She lied to Social Services, she said that I abused my son and I lost my kid.
She put an end to my sex life when she used her laser beams to castrate me.
My manhood has been taken and no jail will hold the bitch so she’s going free.
My life has fallen to pieces, I would give anything for some Kryptonite.
I would also want Batman’s armor suit so I could kill that bitch in a fight.
Don’t even think about dating SuperGirl, believe me when I say that it is no fun.
If you date her and break it off, you’d better have a Kryptonite bullet in your gun.